Funeral Overview & Expectations

Funeral Overview & Expectations

When a loved one dies, you, your family, and friends face something perhaps you and they never ever faced before. It's helpful for you to  know what to expect before we meet, during the funeral, and after the funeral has ended. And it's helpful for all those in attendance to know what to expect, how to prepare and how to respond. We hope you, your family, and friends find these resources helpful. If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to contact us.

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How We Can Help

  • You can trust us to compassionately care for your loved one... and for your family.
  • Our staff is trained to handle all the details. From filing insurance, social security or veterans administration paperwork; to greeting and bidding farewell to your guests—and everything in between.
  • We've made our funeral home a pleasant place to experience a funeral. That means our interior design is peaceful, the rooms are spacious yet cozy, and the furniture is comfortable.
  • Our staff is professional and personable. We believe that when you leave, you'll consider us more than funeral directors; we'll be friends who helped support you through a very difficult time in your life.
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What Happens When You Come to the Funeral Home

  • When you come through the front door, you will be greeted warmly by a staff member. Names will be exchanged, and hands shaken in cordiality. Some words of comfort will be offered.
  • One of our funeral directors will listen to you to understand your situation, explain how we can serve you and meet your expectations.
  • We'll explain all our services and your options for planning a funeral. 
  • We'll collect from you all the information we need to complete the necessary paperwork for planning the service, filing insurance, social security or veterans administration paperwork, writing an obituary, and newspaper notices.
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What Information We Need

We'll review with you the information we need and if you don't have it we'll help you to obtain it.  If you're unable to bring any of this information, we'll coordinate with you to locate whatever is missing.

  • The deceased's full name
  • Their Social Security number
  • Parent's names
  • Spouse and children's names
  • Maiden name of mother
  • Marital status
  • Educational history
  • History of military service
  • Work history
  • Hobbies and interests
  • Church affiliation
  • A list of organizational and club memberships
  • A recent photograph
  • Pre-arrangement papers, if any
  • Burial insurance  / life insurance
  • Clothes in which to bury or cremate your loved one
  • Cemetery property information, if applicable
  • A list of preferred charities for memorial donations, if any
  • A list of pallbearers, if any
  • Desired musical and readings selections

There are really two more things to bring: your memories, and your heart-driven creative thinking and insights into their character and lifestyle.  These are the things that will make the funeral memorable for you and family and friends.

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What is a Visitation Before the Funeral
A visitation, or viewing, is a time prior to the funeral (generally the day or evening before the funeral) where guests are invited to come to the funeral home and visit with the family and socialize with friends. It's common that the deceased will be in an open casket so the visitation may be the last chance to see the deceased. Often there will be a video memorial tribute shown throughout the visitation. A visitation is all about making family and friends comfortable in this time of difficulty, and a time to share and hear memories - sometimes tears, and sometimes even laughter as funny stories of the person's life and their experiences with them are remembered with a great about of joy.  Emotions to be Expected.
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What to Expect During the Funeral

Here's a short list of things you, your family, and friends can expect during a funeral service:

  • It's best to arrive 10-15 minutes early (the family of course will arrive earlier at a predetermined time most convenient for the family).
  • Depending on the location of the service the entrance may be governed by protocol. Often, guests are asked to remain unseated until the family has taken their seats. Sometimes ushers are provided to escort you to your seat. If you're not a family member and you're unclear as to what's expected, just watch others for your cues or ask one of our staff.
  • Depending on the type of service, the ceremony may be officiated by a pastor, minister, celebrant, or a friend.  Sometimes a family member is chosen to speak during the service. If it's your desire that a family member speak, we can provide some helpful direction to assist them in planning a Eulogy.
  • The front row(s) of seats are usually designated by a rope or sign and intended for immediate family members, so if you're not a family member choose a seat behind those rows.
  • All in attendance will receive a copy of the funeral order-of-service, which details what will happen during the ceremony. Some of those details will be who will speak, which songs will be sung, and names the prayers to be read. It's like a program at a theater or symphony performance: the funeral order-of-service is a very handy thing to have. Hang onto it throughout the service.  It may be that you'd like to keep the order-of-servcie as a momento of the service.
  • Depending on the order-of-service, you will have the opportunity to participate in various activities. You may be asked to stand to sing a hymn or kneel in prayer; only participate to the degree you feel comfortable.
  • If the service is less traditional and more a celebration-of-life, you may be asked to close the service with a release of a balloon, or be asked to place a flower in the casket. Some families ask their guests to write a note to the deceased and place it in the casket. We suggest doing only as much as you feel comfortable doing.  No one in attendance should or will be made to feel uncomfortable by their attendance.
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Emotions to Be Expected

It's good to know what emotions should be expected so you can feel the most comfortable when you attend a visitation before the day or evening before the funeral, at the funeral, or at a post-funeral reception. Even at weddings and baptisms, people cry. Just like at a funeral, these pivotal life moments are very emotionally charged. That means you can certainly expect to find some people crying at a funeral. It's always helpful to remember to bring a travel pack of tissues with you; however, the funeral home staff will also have access to tissues if you - or the person seated next to you - has a need to wipe their eyes.

But, here's something you should also know: don't be surprised if people share fun memories and laughter at funerals, and very often at visitations the evening before the funeral, or post-funeral receptions. As family and friends recall the stories of the person's life and their experiences with them, funny stories are remembered and are sometimes recalled with a great about of joy. Crying at times, but also laughing at other times in the appropriate setting is part of healing. And all of us need healing. A funeral is a rich mixture of sorrow and joy. In fact, when we're at a funeral the behaviors of guests remind us of the well-known remark from Theodore Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss: “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

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How to Leave the Funeral

The lead funeral director will make an announcement when the funeral service is over. They will invite the the immediate family and close friends to leave the building first. Unlike at the end of a theater performance, people don't simply stand up and walk out. Instead, they wait for the rows in front of them to empty before stepping out into the aisle.

Guests and family may collect outside the location for some quiet conversation. If you are now ready to leave, do your best to say a sincere good-bye to the family.

If you choose to follow the hearse and casket to the cemetery, you'll be given clear directions by members of the funeral home staff.

If you choose to leave at this point in the funeral, make a quiet, discreet exit. You may want to contact the family by phone in the next week or so. Offer them some time to for them to talk about their loss; and if you're willing, make a few suggestions about chores and other things you could do for them. Know that even if they decline your offer, they'll be delighted to know you're thinking of them enough to call.

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What is a Graveside Service
If the deceased is to be buried following the service, the lead funeral director will announce the location of the interment. If the cemetery is not located on the grounds of the funeral home, there will be a processional of cars formed to escort the hearse to the cemetery. Unless they have chosen to have a private burial, those in attendance are welcome to join in the procession however, don't feel obligated to do so. You may simply leave the funeral at that time.
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What is a Reception Following The Funeral or Graveside Service
Many families today also hold a post-funeral gathering where food and refreshments are served. This gathering is sometimes held at a church, or event center, or at the home of the family.  Like visitations, post funeral receptions are a special time to share memories, laughter, and even tears. A reception is all about making family and friends comfortable in this time of difficulty. Emotions to be Expected.
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The Funeral is Over, Family and Friends have Gone Home - How What?

After a funeral, grieving family members often ask us, "What happens next?"  Here's what happens after a funeral and what we tell them.  First, the main thing to realize is that you are not alone, and second that there are wonderful resources available to help you heal

The natural emotions and adrenalin leading up to the funeral and during the funeral seem to come to a complete stop. Your family returns home and it's completely normal to feel exhausted. Things may begin to grow quiet; maybe the phone isn't ringing as much as it was; fewer people are stopping by to check in on you. Your loved one's death continues to become more of a reality, and the reality of your loss and life after the funeral without your loved one begins to set in. The very thought of facing your life over the next few weeks and months can fill you with a sense of loneliness and dread. It can all feel like way too much to deal with.

At this point it's very important and healthy to remind yourself you're OK, and you're going to be OK.  And it's also important to remember that your priority is to take care of yourself first.  Read the healing information in our grief support section.  And remember it helps to identify people who are capable of listening to how you feel, who can allow you to fully express your feelings and the practical things your experiencing. Not everyone in your family or all your friends are able to be good listeners.  And that's OK, but you need to seek out the people either in your family or friends or professional help who are good listeners and can help you to transition.

You've got two important things to do in the coming weeks and months. As much as possible, you need to practice self-care. You also need to spend some time focused on completing the paperwork which will officially change the status of your loved one with banks and creditors; employers, insurance companies, and mortgage holders. This can be a slow process; so be prepared to be patient with yourself and with the process - it won't last forever, and you can contact us at anytime for support.  Again, remind yourself that death comes to every family, and like all other families you to will begin to heal and move forward into a new life

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Paperwork to Gather After The Funeral

Here is a checklist of paperwork you'll need after the funeral and in the weeks to come:

Get organized. Locate and safeguard as many of the documents listed below (be sure to put each into in a designated set of file folders, and keep them within easy reach):

  • Birth certificate
  • Driver's License or State Identification Card
  • Passport (if applicable)
  • Marriage certificate
  • Divorce papers (if applicable)
  • Deeds and Titles to real and personal property
  • Veteran's Administration Claim Number (or service discharge papers)
  • Recent Income Tax Forms
  • W-2 forms (if employed)
  • Recent hospitalization records
  • Insurance documents: Life, Health, Automobile (there may be more than one policy in each category)
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Administrative Tasks to do in the Weeks Following the Funeral

Some of the tasks listed below will apply to your situation but not all. And there may be addition tasks you'll need to consider. Before you do anything, get a notebook, make a page for each task you need to do, and write in your notebook what you've done. For each task record the date and time of every phone conversation, email or postal communication. Be sure to include the full name of the person you spoke to, their job title; and their employer identification or extension number.  And remember we are always available to help you.

1. Request certified copies of the Death Certificate. Speak with one of our staff to determine how many you will require and we'll assist you to get them.

2. Check to see if your love one  left a will. This may require contacting the family attorney, checking their safe deposit box or home safe or the state Will Registry.

3. Initiate probating the will with the applicate court.  Not all estates require probating.  If you're unsure whether the will requires probating, contact the applicable court, or contact your personal attorney or hire an estate settlement attorney. They're able to walk you through all the steps needed to wrap-up the estate. And remember that not all will probating and estate settlement requires the cost of hiring an attorney.

4. Contact life insurance companies. Not everyone has life insurance; but some people have more than one policy. No matter how many policies were in force, you will probably need to provide each of them with a certified copy of the death certificate for each claim made

5. Get the mail redirected, if applicable. Visit the United States Postal Service website (what exactly does this link to?) to learn more about how to submit a Change of Address form. Or stop by your local post office.

6. Arrange to close or modify bank accounts. Depending on your relationship to the deceased, you may be entitled to convert into your name.

7. Close or modify credit card accounts. You will probably need to provide each of them with a certified copy of the death certificate. Again, keep that set of file folders handy.

8. Make sure to pay the bills. Some folks have their bills paid automatically, but if this isn't the case here, you'll need to take care of them before they become delinquent. If you fear delinquency, you may wish to speak with a representative to work out a payment plan.

9. Report the death to other agencies. Depending on the age or military status of the deceased, you may need to notify either the Social Security Administration or the Veterans Administration (or both). Other agencies of interest include membership organizations (professional or vocational associations, social associations, gym and golf course memberships, etc. – just to name a few).

10. Notify utility departments. Depending on the situation, the accounts may be closed, or the account owner's name and contact details changed.

11. Stop health insurance coverage. You may need to provide them with additional information, so keep your relevant paperwork handy.

12. Contact employer or union. Determine if there are any death-related benefits available, ask (and answer) questions, and change any relevant contact information. 

13. Transfer title of real and personal property. Whether it's an automobile, boat, motorcycle, RV, or plane; you'll need to inform your state department of motor vehicles of the change in ownership. At the very same time, notify any related vehicular or personal property insurance companies of the change in status.

14. Notify other policy holders of the change in "Beneficiary" status. If your loved one was a designated beneficiary on the insurance policies; investment or banking accounts of other individuals, then you'll need to notify them of the death of a beneficiary.

15. Change stocks and bonds into your name. Again, this depends on your relationship status to the deceased. To do this, you'll need to provide certified copy of the death certificate to all organizations involved.

16. If they were active on social media, you'll need to inform the specific networking sites of the change in status. You will need to close email accounts as well as any online banking portal or investment accounts. 

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Do You Have Any Questions?

We've had the privilege over many years of serving many families and those who attend funerals as family and friends. We've found that the expectations before, during, and after the funeral is different for everyone. If we can be of assistance to you before, during, or after the funeral, please do not hesitate to contact us.  No question is too small, and every question is important.
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